I want you more than these girls want KFC
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
