Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
