I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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