the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
