To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
