That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
