Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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