I want to walk on stilts...naked
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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