This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
