Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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