well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
