i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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