god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
