I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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