I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
