3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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