in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
