Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
