I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it's not cheating when I paid for it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
