it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
God, I missed his penis.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
