M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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