i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Bring me that man meat
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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