So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
