I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
