Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
