You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
