So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
