his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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