She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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