I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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