This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
