Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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