so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
