The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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