Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
