When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I believe in your delicious
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
