My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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