I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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