Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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