so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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