Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
