I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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