girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
