That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
