That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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