Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
