Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
