can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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