I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
