i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
